Notes to Teachers (funny)

These drastic measures were inadvertently taken in notes written by parents to excuse their children’s absences from school.

In all fairness to pupils throughout the land, I must point out that slaughtering the English language is a practice that is not limited only to students. An astonishing number of grownups blithely go about murdering the Queens English without any inkling that they are committing a serious crime.

If you think that today’s students aren’t learning all they should, check out some of the writing created by their moms and dads. the following are actual excuse notes received by teachers.

“My son is under the doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today,” wrote a parent. “Please execute him.”

“Please excuse Mary for being absent,” wrote another parent. “She was sick and I had her shot.”

Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few day. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. (how careless)

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diarea, dioriha, dihrear (several mispellings of diarrhea crossed out) the shits.

Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.

Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forget to get the Sunday paper off the porch. and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Please excuse my son’s tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I did not find him till I started making the beds. (too funny)

Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with the Marine’s.

Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Burma, she had been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be the flu going around school, her father even got hot last night.

Growing Up in the 80’s

You Know You Grew Up In the 80’s if:

1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.

2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton

3. You know that ‘WOAH’ comes from Joey on Blossom

4. If you ever watched ‘Fraggle Rock’

5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

9. You played the game ‘MASH'(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

11. You know the profound meaning of ‘ WAX ON , WAX OFF’

12. You wanted to be a Goonie.

13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us…head-to-toe)

14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted. (and he was still black)

15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

16. You took lunch boxes to school…and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.

17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

18. You still get the urge to say ‘NOT’ after every sentence.

19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.

22. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying ‘I know you are, but what am I?’

23. You remember ‘I’ve fallen and I can’t get up’

24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.

28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool…and don’t even flinch when people refer to them as ‘NKOTB’

31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on ‘Saved By The Bell,’ The ORIGINAL class.

32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

33. You just now sang those words to yourself.

34. You still sing ‘We are the World’

35. You tight rolled your jeans.

36. You owned a bannana clip.

37. You remember ‘Where’s the Beef?’

38. You used to (and probably still do) say ‘What you talkin’ ’bout Willis?’

39. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!

PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WHO GREW UP IN THE 80s!!!

De-Stressing

I found this over at “Rambling Shan“.

40 Tips for Better Life – 2008

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to
3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, ‘My purpose is to __________ today.’
5. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water.. Eat blueberries, flax and other seeds, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’
26. Forgive everyone for everything. 2
7. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. GOD heals everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will.Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!) Hey I’m thinking of ya!
37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

I guess that means I care about all of you 🙂 Pass this on to those you feel may need a little help.

Hump Day Fun: Birthday Calculator

13 October 1970
Your date of conception was on or about 20 January 1970 which was a Tuesday.

You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Libra.
Your Life path number is 4.

Your fortune cookie reads:
You were born with the skill to communicate with people easily.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 6 & 7.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 3, 5 & 9.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2440872.5.
The golden number for 1970 is 14.
The epact number for 1970 is 22.
The year 1970 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/6/1970 and ending 1/26/1971.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Dog.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Raven; your plant is Ivy.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Choiach, the fourth month of the season of Poret (Emergence – Fertile soil).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 13 Tishri 5731.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 14 Tishri 5731.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.17.17.3.8 which is
12 baktun 17 katun 17 tun 3 uinal 8 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Tuesday, 12 Sha’ban 1390 (1390-8-12).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 29 March 1970.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 26 April 1970.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 11 February 1970.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 17 May 1970.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 24 May 1970.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Thursday, 1 October 1970.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 21 April 1970.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 10 February 1970.

As of 4/2/2008 10:36:30 AM EST
You are 37 years old.
You are 450 months old.
You are 1,955 weeks old.
You are 13,686 days old.
You are 328,474 hours old.
You are 19,708,476 minutes old.
You are 1,182,508,590 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:

Ashanti (1980) Sacha Baron Cohen (1971) Nancy Kerrigan (1969)
Kelly Preston (1962) Jerry Rice (1962) Marie Osmond (1959)
Chris Carter (1957) Sammy Hagar (1947) Paul Simon (1941)
Nana Mouskouri (1934) Lenny Bruce (1925) Margaret Thatcher (1925)
Nipsey Russell (1924) Yves Montand (1921) Cornel Wilde (1915)

Top songs of 1970

Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon & Garfunkel I’ll Be There by Jackson Five
Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head by B.J. Thomas Close to You by Carpenters
My Sweet Lord by George Harrison I Think I Love You by Partridge Family
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Diana Ross American Woman by Guess Who
War by Edwin Starr Let It Be by Beatles

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 5.35655577299413 years old. (You’re still chasing cats!)

Your lucky day is Friday.
Your lucky number is 6.
Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.
Your lucky dates are 6th, 15th, 24th.
Your opposition sign is Aries.
Your opposition number(s) is 9.

Today is not one of your lucky days!

There are 194 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 38 candles.

Those 38 candles produce 38 BTUs, or 9,576 calories of heat (that’s only 9.5760 food Calories!) .
You can boil 4.34 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1970 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
In 1970 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1970 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)
In 1970 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1970 the population of Australia was approximately 12,663,469.
In 1970 there were approximately 257,516 births in Australia.
In 1970 in Australia there were approximately 116,066 marriages and 12,198 divorces.
In 1970 in Australia there were approximately 113,048 deaths.

Your birthstone is Tourmaline <!––>

The Mystical properties of Tourmaline

Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Opal, Jasper


Your birth tree is:
Rowan, the Sensitivity

Full of charm, cheerful, gifted, without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

There are 267 days till Christmas 2008!
There are 280 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon’s phase on the day you were born was waxing gibbous.

Hump Day Fun: What Your Name Means

http://www.paulsadowski.com/NameData.asp

You entered: Shannon

There are 7 letters in your name.
Those 7 letters total to 31
There are 2 vowels and 5 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:

Irish Male Little old wise one. Surname and river name.
Irish Female Old. Surname and river name.

Your number is: 4

The characteristics of #4 are: A foundation, order, service, struggle against limits, steady growth.

The expression or destiny for #4:
Order, service, and management are the cornerstones of the number 4 Expression. Your destiny is to express wonderful organization skills with your ever practical, down-to-earth approach. You are the kind of person who is always willing to work those long, hard hours to push a project through to completion. A patience with detail allows you to become expert in fields such as building, engineering, and all forms of craftsmanship. Your abilities to write and teach may lean toward the more technical and detailed. In the arts, music will likely be your choice. Artistic talents may also appear in such fields as horiculture and floral arrangement, as well. Many skilled physicians and especially surgeons have the 4 Expression.

The positive attitudes of the 4 Expression yield responsibility; you are one who no doubt, fulfills obligations, and is highly systematic and orderly. You are serious and sincere, honest and faithful. It is your role to help and you are required to do a good job at everything you undertake.

If there is too much 4 energies present in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes of the number 4. The obligations that you face may tend to create frustration and feelings of limitation or restriction. You may sometimes find yourself nursing negative attitudes in this regard and these can keep you in a rather low mood. Avoid becoming too rigid, stubborn, dogmatic, and fixed in your opinions. You may have a tendency to develop and hold very strong likes and dislikes, and some of these may border on the classification of prejudice. The negative side of 4 often produces dominant and bossy individuals who use disciplinarian to an excess. These tendencies must be avoided. Finally, like nearly all with 4 Expression, you must keep your eye on the big picture and not get overly wrapped up in detail and routine.

Your Soul Urge number is: 7

A Soul Urge number of 7 means:
With a number 7 Soul Urge you are very fond of reading, and retreating to periods of being alone and away from the disruptions of the outer world. You like to dream and develop you idealistic understandings, to study and analyze, to gain knowledge and wisdom. You may be too laid back and withdrawn to really succeed in the business world, and you will be much more comfortable in circumstances that are tolerant of your reserve, your analytical approach, and your desire to use your mind rather than your physical being.

You are very timid around people that you don’t know very well, so much so at times that casual conversation and social situations can be strained. You tend to repress your emotions to the extend that some people have a good bit of difficult understanding you. You tend to be very selective with friends and you don’t easily adapt to new environments or to new people very quickly.

The negative traits of the 7 include becoming too much the introvert and isolated from others.

Your Inner Dream number is: 6

An Inner Dream number of 6 means:
You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.