Thirteen George Carlin Quotes
01. Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
02. I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
03. When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
04. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
05. It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
06. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
07. I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
08. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
09. When cheese gets it’s picture taken, what does it say?
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
12. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
13. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Thursday Thirteen: http://thursday-13.com/
We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste,
coveting one another’s desserts,
locking each other out of our rooms,
inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant,
and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
“We are never very far from those we hate. For this very reason, we shall never be truly close to those we love.”
Albert Sanchez Pinol © 2002
Translated by Cheryl Leah Morgan © 2005
One man with courage is a majority.
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
I sincerely believe that banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies, and that the principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale.
I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than those attending too small a degree of it.
Merchants have no country. The mere spot they stand on does not constitute so strong an attachment as that from which they draw their gains.
Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations.
The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to gain ground.
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.
To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.
A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine.
A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor and bread it has earned – this is the sum of good government.
So, I wonder … do the men of today listen to the voices of the past?
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
~George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950)
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
~~George Burns (1896 – 1996)
Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
~Jane Howard, “Families”
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.’
Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
~Leo Tolstoy (1828 – 1910), Anna Karenina, Chapter 1, first line